Why You Should Hate Movie Critics

A creepy robot lady voice, "Please be courteous and silence your cellphones now."

Lights dim. Virtual rollercoaster ride starts in 3, 2, 1... pshhhheeeuww! 

A critic says, "This movie is terrible, I mean did you just honestly hear that lady? She was way too monotone to be in this kind of industry!"

Then a guy with Superman shirt says, "Dude, the movie hasn't even started yet..."

*Cricket*Cricket*

As you can tell... critics really are pissing me off lately, and you should join me on kicking their trash. Guess what movie got a bad rating? He came from the sky and crash-landed in a field, raised in Kansas on a farm, bullied by his peers, sexiest man walking the earth (probably because he isn't even from this planet),  comes from the planet Kripton, super strength, lazer vision, unreal speed, he can fly, has a flashy red cape, and not to mention, a caring heart? Yes, Superman. I LOVE SUPERMAN. Who doesn't? This movie was by far one of the greatest films I have seen in a very long time. I'm sure you've already guessed that this Superman movie got a thumbs down by a lot of critics out there. A similar story happened with John Carter. You probably haven't seen this movie, because these critics also gave this film a bad rating. Who doesn't want to go to Mars and be able to jump a million feet in the air? It is actually a fantastic film and I recommend it, if you haven't already gotten the chance to see it. There have been other bad reviews on good movies, such as Green Lantern and Cowboys and Aliens and many more (if I keep listing, it will continue to feed my hate fire).

Here is my letter to all of the pathetically ill minded critics out there--

Critics (AKA the one's with their head's up their you know whats),

You suck rocks. Here's why.

• You have the sense of a goldfish and obviously can't remember any movies you see.
• 'Deceiving Bastard' should be tattooed straight across your wrinkly foreheads.
• Apparently you don't get paid enough, because you're embarrassingly bad at your job, and so you don't have glasses to see the 22x52 ft. screen. But, trust me, no one is judging.
• You eat poop for your side job. Why yes, horse shit. Thanks for clarifying.
• You are cowards. Why? Because. You know why! (What Happens In Vegas)
• You lie. This is an unmistakable truth.
• Gandhi hates you. Gandhi isn't supposed to hate. You have corrupted Gandhi.

The list could go on and on until it broke yours and my own computer screen, so I decided to cut it short. Mostly because short and sweet makes a point! 

You're all just lying bitches.

Sincerely,

People with good taste in movies