Why You Should Hate Movie Critics

A creepy robot lady voice, "Please be courteous and silence your cellphones now."

Lights dim. Virtual rollercoaster ride starts in 3, 2, 1... pshhhheeeuww! 

A critic says, "This movie is terrible, I mean did you just honestly hear that lady? She was way too monotone to be in this kind of industry!"

Then a guy with Superman shirt says, "Dude, the movie hasn't even started yet..."

*Cricket*Cricket*

As you can tell... critics really are pissing me off lately, and you should join me on kicking their trash. Guess what movie got a bad rating? He came from the sky and crash-landed in a field, raised in Kansas on a farm, bullied by his peers, sexiest man walking the earth (probably because he isn't even from this planet),  comes from the planet Kripton, super strength, lazer vision, unreal speed, he can fly, has a flashy red cape, and not to mention, a caring heart? Yes, Superman. I LOVE SUPERMAN. Who doesn't? This movie was by far one of the greatest films I have seen in a very long time. I'm sure you've already guessed that this Superman movie got a thumbs down by a lot of critics out there. A similar story happened with John Carter. You probably haven't seen this movie, because these critics also gave this film a bad rating. Who doesn't want to go to Mars and be able to jump a million feet in the air? It is actually a fantastic film and I recommend it, if you haven't already gotten the chance to see it. There have been other bad reviews on good movies, such as Green Lantern and Cowboys and Aliens and many more (if I keep listing, it will continue to feed my hate fire).

Here is my letter to all of the pathetically ill minded critics out there--

Critics (AKA the one's with their head's up their you know whats),

You suck rocks. Here's why.

• You have the sense of a goldfish and obviously can't remember any movies you see.
• 'Deceiving Bastard' should be tattooed straight across your wrinkly foreheads.
• Apparently you don't get paid enough, because you're embarrassingly bad at your job, and so you don't have glasses to see the 22x52 ft. screen. But, trust me, no one is judging.
• You eat poop for your side job. Why yes, horse shit. Thanks for clarifying.
• You are cowards. Why? Because. You know why! (What Happens In Vegas)
• You lie. This is an unmistakable truth.
• Gandhi hates you. Gandhi isn't supposed to hate. You have corrupted Gandhi.

The list could go on and on until it broke yours and my own computer screen, so I decided to cut it short. Mostly because short and sweet makes a point! 

You're all just lying bitches.

Sincerely,

People with good taste in movies

How to: Make Your Father Feel Special

Happy Fathers Day everyone out there! This is a great time to show your #1 Big Daddy-o how much you love him(or any other time of the year). But, how can you make him feel special? Here are some ways that will surely make your dad blush, shout hurray!, do a little dance, and have a warm smile across his face.

• Give him a homemade card! I actually do this for my big papa every year. A heart felt message telling him how much you love, care, and appreciate him is definitely a good way to go! If you aren't an artsy type of person, you might want to consider stencils! Just remember he will love it, ugly or not, it's the thought that counts.
• Breakfast in bed. My dad is about 300 pounds... and no, he isn't a big fatty, haha. If your dad loves food as much as mine, then you will certainly be his favorite child!
• Give him an award! A little ribbon that says #1 Dad on it for him to prance proudly around the house in all day, will clearly make him feel like he really is number one.
• Give him a great big hug and kiss on the cheek. Come on, we all love hugs and this will turn your daddy into a big softie.
• Read him a damn poem. Just make it somehow personal or funny!
• Buy him a present. This could be at random! Maybe if he loves the Seattle Seahawks, you can buy him another T-Shirt, even though he might already have hundreds.
• Go on a daddy daughter date! Or if you're a dude, then a father and son outing or whatever you want to call it to make it sound more manly. Plan the whole thing, and possibly make it a surprise?
• Cancel your plans. Yes, you might love your friends or "love" your new boy toy, but family is forever. Tell your dad that you would rather stay home and just hang out with him for the night!
• Let him teach you something. Take into consideration, that he really may be older and wiser, and letting him teach you something, whether it be cooking, fixing up a motorcycle, or even to throw a spiral from your old football in the backyard, listen to him, do it, and enjoy it!

Don't procrastinate! And if you have missed the old Father's Day specialty, then don't worry! DO THIS AT A RANDOM TIME OF THE YEAR. Who said you only can to cherish your dad on Fathers Day? Get out there and have a little fun with it! If you have anymore ideas to add that are creative, then please let me know! I'm all for input!

Aww look at that sweet smile!